Debate the Spy (Movie)

by Steve Bowler on May 18, 2009 · 3 comments

in critique,nitpicking

So, the Spy Update is complete (although they never revealed his 3rd kit upgrade, unless it IS the portable Baccarat detector), and already there is some fun debate over a tiny tidbit in the short.

First off, this is super spoiler laden, so if you haven’t watch it yet, go see it in HD here.  Take plenty of time to enjoy the text gags (there’s a few in the big blue board, the bell ringing, the dossier folder, just keep looking).

Awesome, right?  Okay then, let’s move on.

At the end of the piece, Red Spy picks up the photo of Scout’s Mom, and says what sounds like:

“Ah, ma petite chou-fleur.”

This, literally translated, means:

“Ah, my little cauliflower.”

While folks might find this hilarious, consider that the majority of French expressions are founded in agriculture.  Thier version of “Oh my god!” is actually “Oh la vache!” which literally translates to mean “Oh the cow!”  (If it was not literally translated we’d probably say it meant “Holy Cow!”).  So, this is absolutely an honest term of endearement on the behalf of the Red Spy.

Now, some folks on the internet who are horrible at translating and probably used Google Translator or Altavista (Babblefish) think he’s saying

“Ah, ma petite chaude fleur.”

This would translate to something more shocking, and perhaps validate some folks’ thoughts on the Pyro being a female, because, again, literally translated, this means

“Ah, my little hot flower.”

Oh HO you say!  Except for a small problem:  There’s this rule in French grammar called the BANGS rule.  It stands for “Beauty Age Number Goodness Size.”  Any adjective or descriptor that meets the BANGS rule must come before the noun in the sentence.  So, if the Red Spy is truly French and wanted to say “Ah, my little hot flower,” he would have said:

“Ah, ma petite fleur chaude.”

This is a proper diagram of the intended sentence “Ah, my little hot flower.”  The reason chau comes before flower in the cauliflower sentence is because it’s a hyphenated noun, so it’s all the same word.  Petite still comes in front because it fits the “Small” qualifier in the BANGS rule.

So sorry folks, the Spy was not referring to Scout’s Mom as “hot.”  Logic, however, says that this does not disqualify Scout’s Mom from being the Blue Pyro.  Especially since she wasn’t visible in this video, and we haven’t “met” her him them yet.

If you want real proof that the Scout’s Mom is the Pyro, assuming Valve would leave any real evidence of that in the piece, you’d probably have to comb the images pretty hard.  In fact, if you look at the pictures in the dossier closely, you can kinda make out that ZOMG IS SCOUT’S MOM CARRYING THE PYRO’S PURSE!!!!!!

It’s the correct shape to be the Pyro’s clutch purse, maybe?

Also seen here in the first images that slide out of the dossier:

Okay wait maybe that’s not the Pyro’s purse.  Pyro’s purse is rounded on the corners, is color tinted to her team (blue-ish in this case), and has a big pink flower on it.

Nevermind, nothing to see here, carry on, evidence is definitive: Scout’s Mom is NOT the Pyro.

I bet you never expected you’d get a French grammar lesson here, did you?

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Holy Cow

by Steve Bowler on May 17, 2009 · 2 comments

in general

It’s been awhile, no?  I have a perfectly good excuse.  In fact, it’s so good, it’s not an excuse.

Work has been pretty frustrating lately; my project was shelved and now I’ve been pretty much battlefield demoted or side-moted or whatever the “moted” you want to call it to a position that I used to do but doesn’t really include game design in the core job description deets.  With the state of the current industry, I’m pretty happy to just have a job, especially since it’s still in the industry.

So I haven’t exactly been inspired to write a lot lately.  I’ve been reading a lot of what the other game critics have been writing, and it seems like there’s just a general dearth of stuff to critique.  GDC just didn’t leave me as invigorated as the previous year’s (at least the talks didn’t, anyway), and to be honest, I’m more of an “in the trenches” kind of do-er rather than a guy who is comfortable just sitting back and critiquing.

With that in mind, and due to some crazy circumstances, I’ve been working on a side project that if you’ve been reading my Twitter feed you already have an idea of what it is.  I just needed something to invigorate the designer in me and keep the tools sharp since work has become more of a job for the time being than something that motivates me to create.  The project is still super ultra top secret, but I will say that it started as a pet “can I do this” one man project and has ballooned out completely into a full pitch concept.

Hopefully I or someone else will have an announcement of sorts in the next couple of weeks, and even if that isn’t the case, I’ll either be done with it (and therefore have more time to write), or I’ll be working on it like crazy, but at least might be able to talk about it a little bit.

So, keep tuning in.  I’m not dead, yet.

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I’m back from GDC and slowly climbing back onto the writing horse.  I’d apologize for taking forever between posts again but hey let’s be honest, I’ve been doing a ton of that lately so let’s just move on.

I saw some great talks, but one that kinda bothered me in a way and yet at the same time invigorated some of my old opinions was the Rant Panel.  This year’s was five (actually more) of some of the most esteemed game critics in the industry.  While I get that this was a podium for opinions to be thrown out there, I couldn’t help but wonder about a few of the positions, and rant back a little bit of my own on the matter.

One of the biggest talking points was how Game Journos (for lack of a better word) could do their jobs better.  N’Gai (who incidentally I’ve found myself disagreeing with more and more lately) had some of the most salient points of the whole talk, asking writers to eschew the terms “hardcore” and “casual.”  I’m paraphrasing, but his example of “Who’s more hardcore:  the person who plays Peggle five hours a night 7 days a week or the guy who plays Gears two hours a night Monday through Thursday?”  Who’s the casual player there?  Who’s hardcore?  N’Gai asked for better descriptors to be used, like “competitor” or “completionist” or “tourist.”  These terms don’t just benefit writers, they benefit developers and publishers alike, because we’ve been working on a binary system that doesn’t really identify anyone properly.  N’Gai’s proposed terms helps us figure out who we’re making the product for, and who to write about.

But some of the rants I just found…lacking.  Stephen Totilo (of MTV’s Multiplayer), while being critical in general said “Our reporting is fine. There’s no lack of good journalism, though there may be a lack of effort in finding it…There is a lack of good writing.”

Stephen, I expected more from a guy who started his speech with “I’m going to lose some friends over this.”  Look, fuck the writing.  I don’t care if you use the word “compelling” or adverbs or adjectives or two hundred words that end in LY.  I seriously don’t.  Besides the fact that most of America’s readers only read at a 4th grade level, Game Journalism isn’t at the point where the only thing left to hone is your craft.  My god man, I’ve seen stories, especially lately in this economy with bankruptcies and studio closings which concern corporate law, and there’s no mention of a corporate lawyer weighting in on the piece.  Are you a lawyer?  Did you pass a bar in corporate law?  Why then are you or your contemporaries writing about it?  Why are there one-sided opinion pieces where the writers don’t even attempt to contact the company they’re writing about for comment?  Do you guys realize that when you get the facts wrong in one piece, it brings into question everything you’ve ever written?  I get that you can’t get everything right 100% of the time, and that sometimes you just have to go to print with what you’ve got, but could we please actually try to make sure that you’re getting the facts straight before you go to print?  If you think this isn’t a big deal, then you’re not taking your job seriously enough.

[click to continue reading]

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This is How They See Our Hobby

by Steve Bowler on March 23, 2009 · 6 comments

in general

While at the Kindergarten meet-and-greet for my daughter’s upcoming indoctrination into our public schools system, I noticed that not many (in fact really none) of the other parents there seemed to be a “gamer.”  Well, really, even a true “nerd” or “geek” or “dork.”  They were all…normal.  I imagine they’d buy games for their kids, or even play games with their kids, but none of them struck me as the type who buy and play games on their own, at least those beyond the Madden/Haloz crowd.

And yes, I know I’m just looking at stereotypes when I look out at a crowd of “normals.”  Maybe there was a PC gaming enthusiast.  Maybe that balding Dad over there in the boring dockers and the plain coat is really into RTS or likes ranked CoD servers.  It’s entirely possible that Mom not only enjoys Cooking Mama but is actually in a TF2 clan.  But really, I doubt it.  They’d only discuss playdates for their kids or getting their hair done at the salon (not joking here) or shopping.  The guys all mostly just smiled and looked like they’d rather be at home.

I was wondering what they felt about our world, about our games.  What would they say if you asked them about this lifestyle we’ve crafted for ourselves?  I imagine you’d have to start by getting them to actually play some of the games with you first.

As it turns out, a gamer at LavaLevel already asked his girlfriend to play some of his games and comment on them in real time, and recorded them for posterity.  What follows is one of the most charmingly delightful outsider views into our universe I’ve ever seen.  She even brings up some great points, such as “How can a wrench run out of things.  There’s no bullets in a wrench.”

Watch them all, especially the TF2 and the CounterStrike ones.

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Gaming Memes That Can Die Now

by Steve Bowler on March 20, 2009 · 10 comments

in general,nitpicking

I don’t know if it’s lack of sleep, but I’m especially cranky today.  I’m tired of seeing not-news and even less interesting posts about stuff that is barely even tangentially related to gaming flooding gaming (and non gaming!) sites.  Can we all agree that this shit can just die now and people can come up with some new ideas?

The List of Things that Can Die Now:

Add your pet peeves to the comments.  Let’s vent.

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Timing is Everything

by Steve Bowler on March 18, 2009 · 4 comments

in general

I figured since it’s been awhile since I wrote something (enter excuses here) I’d take the easy route out and offer up a unique opinion on the whole DLC kerfluffle that’s going on right now in gaming news circles.

Hokay, so everyone is pretty much upset at Capcom for releasing multiplayer as DLC content, and then Capcom is indignant about it and claims that RE5 is priced correctly for the content at sixty dollars.  Everyone up to speed?  Good.

I was going to originally make this a piece laying out the ways that Capcom could be going about this.  It turns out this is a pretty simple thing to outline, and the end result is pretty much the same:

  • Situation A:  Capcom screwed up, and dind’t get Multiplayer done in time for the original product submission.  They used their one free patch to fix all of the bugs that came up during the submission process, and decided to finish Multiplayer with a B team while the A team was finishing the submission buxfix requirements, and release it as paid DLC (since their one free launch day bug patch was used up) to recover the cost.
  • Situation B:  Capcom is telling the god’s honest truth here, and decided based on cost-per-feature budgeting to release Multiplayer as paid DLC from the product’s launch/full production.

Invariably, we wind up in a situation that ends with “Capcom screwed up.”  Say what you will, Capcom, but the customer is always right (unless they call the cops because you’re out of McNuggets).  In your case, the customer is calling “shenanigans” on your selling what is commonly accepted as a featureset as DLC immediately following launch.

There’s a reason why they’re upset, and it’s not what you’re thinking.  People have a tendency, when angry, of not being very eloquent or rational.  Trust me, I’m an expert on being angry.  Here’s the thing:  they’re not mad you’re releasing Multiplayer as DLC.  They’re not mad you’re asking them to pay for it.  They’re mad you’re asking them to pay five dollars to get content that should have been on the disk if it’s landing one week after launch.  If you had waited three months before releasing it, or if you’d not charged money for it at launch, folks wouldn’t be complaining.

Your argument notwithstanding, you releasing it at launch tells us a few things.

  1. You feel it is content worth paying for, and is compelling.
  2. You feel that it will drive sales.
  3. You feel that if you released it three months later you’d lose your customer base.

Ostensibly, you should have just put it on the disk and charged $65.  You’d get a lot less pushback.  By doing it the way you did it, you’re admitting that your content is not going to last three to six months, and you want to get your money up front.

DLC can be for anything, but the successful models typically are ones that add value to the original product in a way that rewards players for continuing to stay with the game and play it.  The unsuccessful models are the ones who attempt to fleece money from the userbase immediately after launch for things that should have been in the box in the first place.  Not to beat a dead horse, but horse armor is probably the easiest example that comes to mind.

But it is worth noting that you’re charging extra money for access to another feature in the game.  This is no different than if you had locked out Co-Op and put a five dollar bill slot next to it on the main menu.  What if your game had Create-a-Player?  Would you have decided that was worth an additional five dollars?  Do you see where I’m going here?  You can’t just decide that a featureset is worth an additional five bucks and attempt to tack it on, or with-hold it from the player.

Well, I mean, you can, and you most certainly did, but the biggest mistake you can make here is take the high ground, defend your decision, and then wonder why you’re left holding your empty hand out while everyone else is running to the competitor’s product who gives their customers free updates, not to mention new features, maps,  and gametypes.

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Silent Hill Art?

by Steve Bowler on March 15, 2009 · 4 comments

in general

No time for a real post right now, but I found this just doing some old fashioned weblink surfing.

Is this some kind of Silent Hill art?

Found here.

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Times Are Tough.

by Steve Bowler on March 4, 2009 · 0 comments

in general

How tough?  Look, if Ken Levine has to start moving real-estate to make a living, we might as well all just give up.

Saw this while visiting some friends.  Had to snap a pic and share with the class.

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Team a la Cartetress

by Steve Bowler on March 3, 2009 · 5 comments

in general

Awhile back at work we got into a water cooler balancing discussion, mostly regarding multiplayer and how elegantly a game such as Team Fortress 2 is balanced, even despite the regular updates to only a single specific class in the game.

The conversation started at a very high level, looking at how there’s a “fast” but “weak” guy (Scout), or a “slow” but “tough” guy (Heavy), and even the “stealthy” guy (Spy) and all sorts of classes in between.  Everyone pretty much gets how they work together to form a cohesive team, and how one class has strengths vs. other classes (such as how an Engineer is exceptional at Anti-Scout).  We certainly don’t need to go into that here.

But what got really interesting was when I threw out the suggestion about taking the discussion down a level.  Let’s examine not only how each class is balanced, but more importantly, if we can assume that each of his individual parts are balanced to make the whole of the class, can we remove them and re-distribute them without breaking the game?

While I’m pretty sure that (at least insofar as TF2 is concerned) this would break the game, let’s assume that since no character is overwhelmingly stronger than any other one character, that they are “evenly” balanced.  What this means is that while we can’t have true one-vs-one match-ups in TF2 (the Spy would be inherently weak in this situation, as would a Scout against a Heavy with nobody to distract the Heavy), in the team setting, they are all on equal ground.

So let’s say that they’re all worth an even 1000 points, and if you were to have a sort of Create-A-Team-Fortress-Class system, how could we go about it?

We could first break down the classes into their (default, not upgraded) components that make them tick.

For instance:

The Scout

  • Small target volume
  • Speed: +33% (100% = the default TF2 run speed)
  • Double-Jump
  • 2x Point Capture
  • Health:  125 (default value)
  • Scattergun:  6 shots, 32 ammo, 85-105 damage (180 crit)
  • Pistol:  12 shots, 36 ammo, 20-22 (45 crit)
  • Bat:  24-46 (105 crit) [about 2 hits per second]
  • Can hit grenades back with bat

The Heavy

  • Large target volume
  • Speed: -23% (-73% when spinning barrels)
  • Health: 300 (+175 over default)
  • Sasha Minigun: 200 rounds, 50-54 damage per 1 ammo – 500/sec-540/sec (1080/sec crit)
  • Default Shotgun: 6 rounds, 32 ammo, 80-90 damage (180 crit)
  • Fists:  43-87 (195 crit uppercut) [a little more than 1 hit per second]

Just comparing these two classes (and peeking a bit more at the tf2wiki) we can start to see some default values spring up…

[click to continue reading]

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Scary Silhouettes

by Steve Bowler on February 13, 2009 · 0 comments

in general

I noticed this this afternoon at work while checking news sites briefly, and I had to do a double-take at the new F.E.A.R. 2 thumbnail of Alma.  At a glance, especially at that postage stamp size where only silhouettes are really recognizeable, it recognized in my feeble brain as someone else:

I blame Twitter for this (and N’Gai’s awesome but page murdering live tweets of quarterly earnings calls).

And yes, I photoshopped his avatar background to look more like the F.E.A.R. 2 one.  And added the text.
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