Dear Residents of Animal Crossing,

by Steve Bowler on January 6, 2008 · 5 comments

in casual,nitpicking

Would it kill you people to pick your own god-damned weeds?  What do you mean, “who, me?”  Yes, you, Admiral, you ungrateful ass.  Why am I picking weeds on your property, anyway?  And then you have the gall to bitch and moan how I’ve been gone for a few weeks?  I’ve been busy, jerk, unlike you, who evidently sat on his ass and played with his model train inside for almost two months.  I’m not even remotely sorry I hit you over the head 30 times with my bug net and tried to dig holes around you so you couldn’t move.

No, seriously, I’m gone for seven weeks, and you’d think someone Andromeda Strain’d the whole stupid town from orbit with weed seeds.

It’s winter for crying out loud.  How the hell did you get weeds to grow out of frozen soil?  There’s snow on the damn earth!  What kind of mutant weeds do you people have in this town, anyway?  Wait why would I even ask that you’re all bipedal animals who wa-wa talk like Peanuts adults.

From here on out, pick your own damn weeds.  I just wanted to go fishing for a few minutes with my daughter, you lazy bastards, and I wound up OCD weed picking for half an hour.

No love,

The only human in town.

p.s.  YOU’RE FREAKS.

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